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Maybe you’re fresh onto the dating scene after a divorce , or you’ve achieved your career goals and now you’re ready to start a new chapter with someone special. Whatever your circumstances are, jumping into the world of online dating when you’re over 40 can be tricky. Selfies, swiping, ghosting, catfishing … it’s a brand new ball game.
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Like many women I had a mold of what my dream guy would be like. You know handsome, God-fearing, college-educated, successful career, and earning twice as much as I do. In fact, I spent my first few years out of undergraduate school on the hunt for that guy.
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After going to college on the East Coast and spending a few years bouncing around, Jacob moved back to his native Oregon, settling in Portland. Almost immediately, he was surprised by the difficulty he had meeting women. Having lived in New York and the Boston area, he was accustomed to ready-made social scenes. Jacob was single for two years and then, at 26, began dating a slightly older woman who soon moved in with him.
She seemed independent and low-maintenance, important traits for Jacob. Past girlfriends had complained about his lifestyle, which emphasized watching sports and going to concerts and bars. Before long, his new relationship fell into that familiar pattern. He was passive in their arguments, hoping to avoid confrontation. Whatever the flaws in their relationship, he told himself, being with her was better than being single in Portland again. Now in his early 30s, Jacob felt he had no idea how to make a relationship work.